


Stim, stim, little boy

by heavenlydevil



Series: p a u s e [2]
Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Autism Spectrum, Character Study, M/M, Stimming, can be read separately from the first one, this is just my 'writing characters i love as autistic' series, wow look what i did again woo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-18 16:37:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14856341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heavenlydevil/pseuds/heavenlydevil
Summary: Kokichi comforts himself.





	Stim, stim, little boy

Kokichi rocks on his feet.

Back and forth. Back and forth.

He feels like he's suffocating.

He rocks again, and then brings hand to adjust his scarf. Gives it a little stroke, puts his mouth and nose into the fabric, smells it, hums into it. Then brings his head up again.

Grins.

Lies through his teeth.

He can feel corners of his mouth go up, up, until he feels like they're up in his eyes. He can feel the hands splitting his cheeks opens, forcing them to go up. It hurts, it hurts so much. He can feel the same false things coming from his lips, horrible things, things he doesn't mean. 

He does cheerful falsetto and his throat strains.

Rock, rock.

Shuichi is staring at him.

He stares back, and in a second, he's hiding his face, looking down. Kokichi keeps staring at him still, studying, looking at his downturned eyes and flushed cheeks, until Miu snaps his attention back.

He lies.

He rocks on his feet.

Does a little sing-song of his lie, and that feels better. 

He keeps at it, does it again and again.

He starts to notice others getting sick of him, and he tries not to let his stomach recoil.

But he's getting tired, too. He's just as tired of his lies as others, and he wants to stop, but he can't. He's tired of others, he's tired of their same endless comments and naivety and that they don't fucking notice.

He swallows hard, and announces going back to his room.

Oh gosh, the sweet relief of that.

He notices Shuichi studying him quietly again, but then he turns away, like he always does, and Kokichi goes to the door, exits without looking back.

He walks, walks. Tired walk. He's so, so tired.

He hums, quietly, tune he doesn't know.

Sighs couple of times, then does mix of humming and sighing. That opens his throat, makes it easier to breath again.

He opens door of his room, walks in, and lets his face fall.

He rocks again, almost desperately, brings his arms around him.

His nails dig into his skin.

He wants to gnaw his skin and his hair and his eyes but that's not good idea. He's not gonna do that, no.

Instead, he climbs into his bed, under three blankets he's stolen from the storage and curls into a ball. The weight feels good, comforting, and he knows he can be there for a bit. In couple of hours, he needs to get up and do more notes and studying, and thinking, but now...

He tries to allow himself this small comfort.

He brings the blankets over his head. The darkness feels nice, his eyes can rest.

**Author's Note:**

> Ughhh sorry abt this, I just really needed to do this, first one was so much fun and got lot of good comments (thank u so much for those btw) aaaand yeah.
> 
> To those who don't know, stimming is, for autistic ppl, way we often express ourselves. We convey discomfort, anxiety, excitement, happiness... all kinds of things. The way we do it can wary a lot, too, hand-flapping is one most commonly known and one I also personally use, and ones Kokichi uses here are also ones I use a lot. (Smelling and feeling fabric, rocking back and forth, vocal stims)
> 
> Also it's not mentioned here much, but I also like to think that Kokichi has ADHD here.
> 
> My gf actually told me that the last fic was best writing she's read from me and i. asdghh


End file.
